By
Mihran Kalaydjian, CHA
Consultant,
Strategist, and Writer
Say you've been spending a lot of time with a certain someone, and things have been great. You've shared several meals together, have met their friends and have even gotten physical (like running that 5k together, duh). But now there's this nagging feeling that you have to do something... like... oh yeah. Define the relationship. DTR. Have the talk. Trim the fat. Whatever you want to call it. It's that time to reflect on your past X months together and make things official or officially over. The decision shouldn't be too hard. If you're on the fence, though, here are a few things to consider:
1. Do you like their friends?
Your significant other's friends are often more important than you realize. You'll be seeing a lot of them; you should probably like them at least a little bit. Being nervous about meeting these friends for the first time is one thing (we all want them to be somewhat impressed), but if you have to mentally prepare yourself before each and every time you hang out, then something's not right. The people we like to associate with are often a reflection of ourselves... our values, interests and all that stuff. If you find your guy or girl's friends, say, immature and shallow, well... you have to wonder what that says about your feelings for the person you're dating.
2. Speaking of which, do your friends like him or her? Or have they even met?
If you're a fan of making excuses like, "Oh, we're just not there yet," "They're always busy," or "He's not wearing any pants today," then truth is, you probably don't want your friends to meet this character. You probably feel your friends won't like them. Or you're worried they simply won't get along. It's a tricky situation because something's off, but you have to make sure it's not your own insecurities or your friends being too judgmental. If say your friends genuinely like this new person, then A+. No worries on this front. But if they don't, and you truly respect and value your friends' opinions, I would definitely think over your real feelz for this newbie.
3. Does he or she make you feel like a better person?
Someone you'll inevitably invest a lot of time into should be an overall positive influence on and addition to your life. If you've been dating past the three-month mark, you should have a good idea of who this person is by now. They should make us happier to be around, even when they're not around. They should be a person we actually wouldn't mind emulating because we probably will after spending so much time together. So before making the decision to officially date, make sure this person adds to your life in some way or another and has traits you value.
4. Is your relaysh more than just physical?
I feel like I don't even need to explain this one. If the only good thing you have to say about your relationship is the time you spend... not speaking, then yeah. It's probs about time to throw in the proverbial towel. A fling is usually meant to be just that...a fling. A fun jaunt sans large emotional investments. Unfortunately, most serious and healthy relationships require decent-size investments of both emotions and time. So if it becomes clear that either the flinger or the flingee isn't ready to invest, then it's time to hit the dusty trail.
5. Does convenience play a part?
Fortunately and unfortunately, dating someone because they're "convenient" wears off at a certain point. If a big reason you spend tim with this person is because he or is lives 10 minutes away or always seem to be available then, well... you know what to do. Sit down in your thinking chair... and have the talk.
All in all, relationships change. They may start as one thing and end as another. There's no need to force something that just isn't there; or, on the other hand, to push something away that is there. Either way, a relationship has got to progress, and neither person should be afraid of trying to move it along.
